Michael Jackson performs on stage on his HIStory tour in December 1996. (Photo by Phil Dent/Redferns)

Talking to old people about anything is like screaming at the top of your lungs to a brick wall until your voice is hoarse. It’s like the ultimate missile defense system, nothing is getting through that shit. Outside of the ‘big 3’ topics to never bring up around old people (sex, religion, politics) the most excruciating conversations you can have with old folks is about anything to do with music.

Nothing gets the Marges and the Edgars of the world in more of a hissy fit more than asserting that someone on your Spotify playlist is better than one of their favs they grew up with. So in the spirit of pissing off our wise and noble elders, let’s go over some artists who are already better than our parent’s chosen gods of music.

Why Justin Bieber is Better than Michael Jackson

For years Bieber has been referred to by his fans as ‘the prince of pop.’ Obviously, the title of king is reserved MJ but given the fact that MJ passed away tragically in 2009, doesn’t that mean it’s time to pass the throne on to the next in line?

Bieber has more #1 albums

In total, Michael Jackson has 5 number 1 albums in the US. Justin Bieber has 6. Michael Jackson’s #1 albums spanned from 1982 to 2001. Bieber racked up more top albums than MJ in just 5 years from 2010 to 2015. If this was anyone else, we wouldn’t even be debating this.

Baby is a bigger video than Thriller

We always hear about how “iconic” the Thriller video is and sure, it’s a fun time, but let’s not act like it doesn’t get dwarfed in views compared to to the Baby music video. For all that hype, Thriller has 563M views on youtube while the one with Ludacris and Bieber in a bowling alley has 2B views. Granted, a lot of those views probably are from haters and it also has 9.8M dislikes and for a while was the most disliked video on YouTube, but hey, last time we checked, a billion is bigger than a million.

MJ never sold out MSG in 30 seconds

In 2012 Justin Bieber sold out the legendary Madison Square Garden in just 30 seconds for his Believe Tour. Michael Jackson, for all his tickets sold, never pulled off anything like that. Ever.

Bieber’s been in way juicier scandals

Michael Jackson has been in his fair share of scandals, that’s for sure. But has he ever sprayed Windex on a picture of Bill Clinton while screaming “f**k Bill Clinton”? If he did we missed it. Did Mike ever manage to produce $20k worth of damage just by throwing eggs? No. Holding a baby over a balcony pales in comparison to pissing in a mop bucket. As far as being a scandalous badass, we’re gonna give it to the Biebs.


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