In the game ‘Cards Against Humanity,’ there’s one that reads, “this is how the world will end, not with a bang but with a…” Ask any uptight businessman or a finance writer and their answer will likely be millennials. Apparently, millennials are the root cause of the decline of civilization as we know it. It seems that no industry or overrated high culture product is safe from being destroyed by them. Here are just a few things millennials have been accused of killing, and why it’s just as well:
Last year news broke that everyone’s favorite ‘breastaurant’ Hooters would be shutting down locations and re-strategizing because a study found that millennials ‘don’t like boobs.’ Yet considering the fact that studies also show millennials watch more porn than any other demographic, perhaps it has less to do with not liking boobs and more to do with the fact that no one likes their food. Then there’s the fact that younger people are more vocal and outspoken about sexual abuse and harassment. Millennials probably aren’t into the whole ‘sexualize women to sell cheap food’ thing. Good riddance.
Back in 2016, the Economist really had their finger on the pulse of the nation as they took to Twitter to ask what everyone was thinking that year: why aren’t millennials buying diamonds? Naturally this spawned a litany of witty responses. Perhaps it has to do with millennials being lowest paid generation and their wages falling by 43%. Then there’s the ‘crippling student debt’ thing which research shows literally kills happiness. When given the choice between food and shelter or ‘bling,’ it’s no wonder diamonds aren’t millennial’s best friend. Plus, it can’t be a coincidence that Venture Beat ranked Diamond the second worst Pokemon game.
Business Insider wrote in 2016 about how millennials are killing the golf industry. They cite a representative from an industry-research firm who stated, “we know that millennials are not picking up the game, and boomers are aging out. The game is on a decline.” In a country that seems to lose its mind in outrage when even the president goes golfing, perhaps it’s about time golf died. According to Bloomberg, the number of regular golfers fell by 10 million from 2002 to 2016. Considering that US News reported last year that homelessness rose for the first time in years, maybe we should get rid of golf and use the land for something useful. Cities could easily build new affordable housing on old dead courses. Maybe then more millennials would be able to buy homes and help the housing industry, which people also say they’re ruining.
2) Harley Davidson
“Millennials don’t like motorcycles, and that’s killing Harley’s sales,” writes Thomas Franck of CNBC. Even the iconic American company Harley-Davidson cannot avoid the wrath of millennials. Yet perhaps this is all part of an overdue conversation we need to have about these two-wheeled metal death traps. Reports show motorcycle accidents are spiking in New Jersey, the Hamptons, and Utah, so maybe it’s a good thing millennials are hitting the brakes on these murderous bikes.
According to our friends at Business Insider, millennials aren’t eating cereal, leading to a decline in the industry. BI writes, “Almost 40% of millennials surveyed by Mintel said that cereal was an inconvenient breakfast choice.” It went on to report that from 2009-2014 cereal sales dropped by 5%. The truth is, cereal is inconvenient. It’s pure sugar which as research shows, can lead to all kinds of health problems. A study from JAMA Internal Medicine found an association “between a high-sugar diet and a greater risk of dying from heart disease,” that’s certainly an inconvenience. Plus it’s not filling, requiring hungry millennials to waste money on other junk food, leaving them without money to play golf or buy diamonds or motorcycles.
Perhaps millennials are engaged in a plot to destroy everything their parents enjoyed in some sort of revenge scheme. Or maybe it’s simply that times are changing, things are expensive, and they can’t afford it. Regardless, it’s a shame they’ll never be able to top their parent’s generation who gutted the social safety net, crushed civil liberties, destroyed the Middle East, ravaged the planet’s natural resources, and collapsed the global economy.