We’ve all heard it before, “millennials waste money on lavish things they don’t need.” Whether it’s dunking on us for buying expensive avocado toast or $6 lattes, according to boomers, millennials are just wasting money left and right. Let ‘s all just take a moment to appreciate the irony of this coming from the generation of fully furnished living rooms that no one is allowed to sit in. Millennials certainly aren’t the only generation to throw away money on unnecessary things, so here’s a list of stupid things boomers burn cash on:
9) Decorative pillows
Say what you want about how much a skinny chai with hazelnut syrup costs, let’s talk about all those pillows on the couch. How many of them do you actually use? Do they serve any valuable purpose other than just collecting dust and matching your overpriced area rug? This isn’t a hotel; it’s not like people are gonna fluff each pillow and find the right one.
8) Fine China
Do millennials need to spend so much on organic produce and gluten-free products? Probably not. At least health foods have a measurable benefit. Please inform us oh great elders, what the point of ‘the good china’ is. Sure, lament about how your kids light money on fire, last time we checked, they weren’t the ones who spent $400 on a set of dishes they’ll use once a year. Talk about a waste. “Oh Roger, go get the Christmas plates we bought in Tuscany 25 years ago and have used exactly four times ever!”
We get it, you drink. But was it really necessary to go out and buy this $495 decanter from Nieman-Marcus to show off your exquisite taste in spirits? Have fun buying a bottle of booze, opening it, then pouring it into another bottle just to open that and pour it into your glass. We’ll be on our third cup by the time you’re finally ready to take your first sip and lecture us about spending habits.
6) Vacation homes
Few things are as superfluous as having a vacation home. While they’re great for family getaways and fun for the kids, there’s no doubt they’re the hight of excess, especially when you only use it for a few weeks per year. The only other purpose is to have it as an asset and then flip it later in life and make yourself more money. But yes, millennials are the greedy generation. Ok. Make fun of us all you want for not owning a home, enjoy the second mortgage you just took out.
5) Toilet seat covers
Boomers will never be allowed to ask us why we need something until they explain to us what the flying f**k a toilet seat cover is for. The only thing more uncomfortable than sitting on porcelain is sitting on a fluffy cushion while cleaning out your bowels. You essentially paid money to carpet the toilet seat. Congrats, never accuse millennials of wasting money again.
It’s understandable if you’re not fully acclimated to the new iPhone your grandson bought you for Christmas. But you’ll never will if you don’t learn, and here I thought millennials were the lazy ones. Whenever you have trouble understanding public polling, remember it’s mostly the crotchety boomers who still use landlines.
Any mom who has a ballgown or any dad who has a tux in their closet needs to ask themselves if that was a good decision. Have a long look in the mirror. How many times have you put on said tux? Does it even still fit? Oh and how about that rack of 200 ties ya got there? We’re guessing you’ve actually worn maybe 10 of them. As for those pearls you spent a fortune on, at least they’ll look lovely on you with your burial outfit.
2) Fake Plants
The only thing lamer than decorative plants is when those plants are fake. You can always tell you’re dealing with a post-retirement boomer when they got the fake plants out. There they sit, collecting dust and not fooling a damn soul. My, wasn’t that money well spent? *side eye to infinity*
1) Yard Decor
You’ll never convince anyone that it’s a good use of money to buy extravagant yard decorations. Unless you’re trying to get your yard featured in one of those pretentious ‘best home and garden’ magazines, you’re just throwing money away on something no one is going to care about. Even then, about five people actually read those magazines.
Boomers will go to great lengths to shame their children for their ‘poor’ and ‘out of control’ spending habits. At the end of the day though, they’re the ones buying another set of towels for the downstairs bathroom for absolutely no reason. Talk about a waste.